In the beginning you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, but as time passed your sex life slowly started to wane. Daily sex turned into weekly sex, then slipped into monthly sex, and before you know it you’re in a sexless marriage.
There are many reasons sex leaves relationships; sometimes it’s due to personal or health issues, other times it’s a matter of simply not being in the mood. While this can be a tough situation to overcome, there are ways to revive your sex life.
Prioritize Sex
No matter how busy you may be, you should always make your relationship a priority. Many times couples fall into sexual dry spells because they’re too swamped with taking care of the kids or focusing on a career. It’s important to make your relationship a priority, so set aside some alone time together at least three times a week. Use this time to go on dates, cuddle on the couch, explore new hobbies or work on a project together.
Spending enjoyable time together will reconnect you and your spouse, and before you know it, the sex will make it’s way back into your relationship. If you’re already doing these things, then try something new. Take a cooking class together, try a new sport, or sign up for a sex workshop. The easiest way to reconnect is to find new interests together.
Create Sex Rituals
Creating couple rituals for you and your spouse to share is a great way to bring passion back into your lives. They don’t have to be anything over-the-top, for instance something as simple as brushing your teeth together, an inside joke or kissing three times before bed are great rituals to share.
Believe it or not, these unique to-dos will make you and your spouse feel connected and close to one another, which is a big part of bringing sex back into your marriage. Choose rituals that you both enjoy doing and keep them going for years to come.
Flirt With Your Spouse!
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you were first falling for your spouse? Remember the way they would make you laugh or tease you, and how you’d be quick to send sexy text messages and always dressed your best?
Couples are great at flirting when they’re dating, but once they get married the flirting gets left in the past. Reviving playful flirting is one of the easiest ways to bring the spark back and re-activate your sex life. When spending time with your spouse, focus on being positive and upbeat. There’s nothing more attractive than happiness, especially when it breeds playfulness and confidence.
Sleep Sensually
Think back to the beginning of your relationship when going to bed with your partner was a big deal and you cared about looking good for each other. If lately you’ve been hopping into bed in an oversized shirt and flannel bottoms, then it’s time to spice things up.
Women need more prep time for lovemaking than men do, and part of the process is making yourself feel beautiful. When you feel sexy, you’re more likely to be interested in sex and initiate it. To bring back the magic between you, try slipping into something sensual. You may even consider stimulating all the senses by bringing some scented candles and silk sheets into the mix.
You’re Married — Touch Each Other!
As humans, we respond to physical connection, so a good way to revive intimacy is by significantly increasing touching. When you do, it’ll also increase your intimate connection.
It can be hard to jump into sex without day-to-day touching, and studies have shown that frequent hugging boosts oxytocin levels, a hormone that makes you feel closer to your partner. Make a point to touch one another daily. Cuddle when you’re on the couch, hold hands while you’re out, give one another back rubs and always try to have at least one body part touching when you sleep. Once you do, you’ll be back between the sheets in no time.
Speak Up About Sex
The thing couples so often forget is that their spouse isn’t a mind reader. This means you must talk to each other when something is bothering you. Many times couples stop having sex due to simple misunderstandings. For instance, let’s say a couple has been busy with work and other activities, and because of such their sex life has been put on the back burner. Time passes, and even though both spouses miss the sex, neither verbally acknowledges the change in their relationship. Since neither speak up, both partners take each other’s silence as a hint that they’re not interested. From there, their sex life spirals downwards.
Instead of biting your tongue, talk to your spouse about how sex has left the relationship and let them know you want to bring it back. Do this in a gentle and positive way. If you get angry or nag them about it, they will have no desire to get intimate. Rather let them know that you miss your physical connection. You can even try arousing them by hinting at what turns you on or telling them what you want from them. It may be an awkward conversation to have, but you’ll be glad you did!
Have You Considered?
- Sex counselors can be extremely helpful in working through intimacy issues you may be experiencing with your spouse or partner. The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists has a directory of sex therapists so you can easily find a certified sexual counselor in your local area.
